Being in a society comes with expectations. It might not directly be imposed on you but societal standards are seen in all cultures, especially modern. Even though societal standards and expectations are a social construct, most people’s life is spent on fulfilling these expectations rather than understanding their own authentic needs and expectations. This is understandable because all our lives are so interlinked with society and what is going on around us through news, gossip, television, social media, etc. Most parents seem to have adapted these wishes and expectations of society while suppressing their own, which are then passed on to their children in subtle and unconscious ways. This confusion and suppression of our authentic wishes and interest cause ‘neurosis’. Karen Horney, explains this in-depth in her book ‘Our Inner Conflicts: A Constructive Theory of Neurosis’. She stated that neurosis occurs because of inner conflicts when our wishes, interests, and convictions are bound to collide with those of others around us. It is the clashes between ourselves and our environment. Since every individual is different, it is likely that what someone values and wants might differ from what society or the people around them want. Even your definition of beauty or success or lifestyle might be different from the ones around you or the status quo. But what tends to happen is without deep self-awareness of and the distinction between your values and others’ values or wishes, the values and wishes of others get entangled with your authentic values and wishes which creates confusion within oneself, hence conflicts. Conflicts are within ourselves and are an integral part of human life it is created because of the culture, people around us, and, inevitably society…. Thus, according to Karen Horney, to cope with the environment (society) and inner conflicts, the essential move made by an individual can be crystallized into three main attitudes (Horney, 1954, p. 42). 1. Compliant Type- (Moving towards people); These neurotic needs cause the individual to seek affirmation and acceptance from others and are often described as needy or clingy as they seek approval. Because of this, he tries automatically to live up to the expectations of others or what he believes to be their expectations, often to the extent of losing sight of his feelings. . 2. Aggressive Type- (Moving against people); These neurotic needs result in hostility and a need to control other people. These individuals are often described as difficult, domineering, and unkind. He regards all feelings, his own as well as others as 'sloppy sentimentality'. Love for him plays a negligible role. 3. Detached Type- (Moving away from people); These neurotic needs create hostility and antisocial behavior. These are often described as cold, indifferent, and aloof. They can look at themselves with an objective interest, as one would look at a work of art. There is a great tendency to suppress all feelings even deny their existence. Further, Karen Horney suggests that for healthy coping with inner conflicts (neurosis) one must integrate all the three copings. Otherwise, it leads to a dysfunctional way of coping with these ‘Inner Conflicts’.
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